Random Ramblings
I created a blog for myself and now I feel an inescapable need to write something "worthy" of putting up here. It's the pressure of proving yourself. What you put up here is YOU. And you're scared of putting yourself up here because you might find out you're just not good enough.
Life is complicated in strange ways. You try avoiding hurt,weakness,dependency and vulnerability by not wearing your heart on your sleeve and you end up being an A-class cynic and your self proclaimed friends are a bunch of opportunists who will ditch you at the first sign of trouble (or when they realize they can not use you anymore). You'll be sad and miserable and lonely, but atleast you'll be safe. You'll see the world pretty clearly and learn to stand tall by yourself, but it'll sure be bleak and cold out there.
Alternately, if you do end up being soft and loving and trusting, you have very high chances of having your heart broken, your morale , your sense of identity and your belief in yourself shattered. But equally dangerous to self preservation is finding someone who appreciates and respects you and never takes you for granted. You find comfort and solace and very importantly, companionship.But, along with all of these, you also get a tremendous sense of insecurity.What if it doesn't work out? What if I do something wrong?(that pisses the other person off and they stop talking to you?)
You are forever plagued by the temporariness and vagueness of love and friendship.You reveal yourself - at the risk of rejection, in a bid to garner intimacy and as a ploy to buy time.But you don't want to reveal too much.What if you are misunderstood or not understood at all? What if the other person is offended? Since you don't aim to offend, you curb your style, change your life and lifestyle to suit the other. You become a hypocrite.You bend over backwards for those few precious moments of camaraderie.
At the bottom lies the inescapable and inevitable and very human fear of ending up alone. And the very point of friendship is lost somewhere in the quagmire of our own fears.
Life is complicated in strange ways. You try avoiding hurt,weakness,dependency and vulnerability by not wearing your heart on your sleeve and you end up being an A-class cynic and your self proclaimed friends are a bunch of opportunists who will ditch you at the first sign of trouble (or when they realize they can not use you anymore). You'll be sad and miserable and lonely, but atleast you'll be safe. You'll see the world pretty clearly and learn to stand tall by yourself, but it'll sure be bleak and cold out there.
Alternately, if you do end up being soft and loving and trusting, you have very high chances of having your heart broken, your morale , your sense of identity and your belief in yourself shattered. But equally dangerous to self preservation is finding someone who appreciates and respects you and never takes you for granted. You find comfort and solace and very importantly, companionship.But, along with all of these, you also get a tremendous sense of insecurity.What if it doesn't work out? What if I do something wrong?(that pisses the other person off and they stop talking to you?)
You are forever plagued by the temporariness and vagueness of love and friendship.You reveal yourself - at the risk of rejection, in a bid to garner intimacy and as a ploy to buy time.But you don't want to reveal too much.What if you are misunderstood or not understood at all? What if the other person is offended? Since you don't aim to offend, you curb your style, change your life and lifestyle to suit the other. You become a hypocrite.You bend over backwards for those few precious moments of camaraderie.
At the bottom lies the inescapable and inevitable and very human fear of ending up alone. And the very point of friendship is lost somewhere in the quagmire of our own fears.
posted by this is me | Tuesday, March 21, 2006
9 Comments:
You are so good at observing other people and their lives as well.
This seems like my life and im sure it is the life of many others as well.
Some yet to see these miseries(self made?)
you don't aim to offend, you curb your style, change your life and lifestyle to suit the other. You become a hypocrite.You bend over backwards for those few precious moments of camaraderie.
I bow to thee, pallavi
(is that even a sane thing to say? the phrase? im sure Andy would approve it.Andy ki Aandhi!!)
Hey , nice blog.. interesting and all that.. i guess u have to be somewhere in the middle. i don't think extremes are any helpful. My philosophy is you should give what you get !!?? Take care.. Keep blogging :)
These are the very "type" of ppl who want to put more tax on beer ... "SIGH"
thanks for commenting on the post. it makes me feel really good and it sort of heartens me that there are people who feel the same as i do.
'balance, trial, hoope... non existent...'
Nice ... impressive ... well done ... keep blogging ... ud be surprised at what you come up with ....
ciao
Ajwad
hi. excellent observations. struck a chord in me. i feel like u hv articulated my thoughts down to the last letter. catharsis is the right word.
Well, now you know who anonymous is.
Update Lady! abhi to holidays chal raheen hai, third year english literature main aap ke darshan kaise honge?
Mere fishing blog ko bhi apne shubh ungliyon se pyaar dein.
http://iamfishing.blogspot.com
even u do the same thing..how many times have u disliked a person jus bcoz she/he was being her/himself??its natural...i dont see want the whole fuss is about..
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