Change

I feel like I am changing. Change is inevitable, they say and so I am not consciously trying to subvert this change, but I guess this post is some sort of attempt to understand the change and the reason/s for it. Why do people change? And do people actually change or is it just the situations/other people/stimuli around them that change? Do people change or do their attitudes and perceptions change? If I am not the same Pallavi I was, say five months ago; If I am not even the same Pallavi I was five seconds ago, then which Pallavi am I? Who/which is the real Pallavi, if she exists at all? Is the person constant or are changes in the person constant? If it is change, how is it constant? If it is constant, why do we call it change? Change is the only constant they say. If I am changing, and you are changing, then we are both changing. Then the you who is reading this post now, is a different you from the you who read some other posts on this blog in the past. Then we must constantly reacquaint ourselves with all the selves that we are. For all the selves that we were, and perhaps are no more, are also us, aren't they?

I'm looking for the lyrics of the Paul Simon song: "A cloud gently weeps". This may or may not be the title of the song, but it's a refrain in the song. Its another one of the songs that touches me deeply.

It feels good to update.

The Paul Simon Series -I

This is one of the songs that means ( or atleast meant) something to me. There was a time when I felt that this song could easily be the story of my life. Even now, I like the song a lot..very easy listening, but now I feel like laughing at the self indulgent, wallowing- in- your- misery, begging- for- attention kind of lyrics. You just can't live this way- shutting yourself up and closing yourself to any kind of experience. Of course, we all hurt and feel this miserable, but you just have to move on. You can't be depressed, and hate the world, and everyone in it and most of all, hate yourself forever. You have to get over it. And though its a cliche, but it's true that everything changes with time. Nothing remains static. If things around you don't change, then you yourself change. And I believe that every one of us has the capacity to change and change for the good. We all need to believe in ourselves as well as others. Here comes the song:

I am a Rock

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,I am an island.

I have my booksAnd my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;And an island never cries.

I find the song sad and quite pathetic. And I hope and pray that whenever you or anyone else is going through this phase, you get over it.

But it's still a bit funny. I'm sure that if I came across such a person, I'd feel like slapping him or her.