An year's journey

Its been about a year now that I haven't unburdened here. That was a sad, pathetic decision... I might have a fewer white hair on my head if I had!! Actually I can't really blame myself, it didn't happen consciously. My life stopped revolving around myself and my thoughts, and a lot more on the peripherals. I seem to have become the very thing I have always abhorred- a creature who lives for the superficial; no great thought or emotion are evoked from it... Always there is an all pervading sense of age, neglect and raggedness about it. My mind seems to have lost itself in some murky water, and doubts its ability to ever find a clean shore- or even that it will one day surface and come to a new day.

The lack of anything new is just so tiring... The sheer LACK... I feel really tired all the time. It tires me to write any of this out. My mind has forgotten these intellectual exercises. I don't know if I actually "feel" exhausted or if my mind has shut itself off to shield my consciousness from the hollowness of my existence. So this is how it feels to live on autopilot.

For some reason, when I'm writing, thoughts never appear cogent and clear. I have to make an effort to understand what I want to tell myself. And most of the time I forget what I'm saying or reach a conclusion completely at a tangent from where I had started out.