Random Ramblings

I created a blog for myself and now I feel an inescapable need to write something "worthy" of putting up here. It's the pressure of proving yourself. What you put up here is YOU. And you're scared of putting yourself up here because you might find out you're just not good enough.
Life is complicated in strange ways. You try avoiding hurt,weakness,dependency and vulnerability by not wearing your heart on your sleeve and you end up being an A-class cynic and your self proclaimed friends are a bunch of opportunists who will ditch you at the first sign of trouble (or when they realize they can not use you anymore). You'll be sad and miserable and lonely, but atleast you'll be safe. You'll see the world pretty clearly and learn to stand tall by yourself, but it'll sure be bleak and cold out there.
Alternately, if you do end up being soft and loving and trusting, you have very high chances of having your heart broken, your morale , your sense of identity and your belief in yourself shattered. But equally dangerous to self preservation is finding someone who appreciates and respects you and never takes you for granted. You find comfort and solace and very importantly, companionship.But, along with all of these, you also get a tremendous sense of insecurity.What if it doesn't work out? What if I do something wrong?(that pisses the other person off and they stop talking to you?)
You are forever plagued by the temporariness and vagueness of love and friendship.You reveal yourself - at the risk of rejection, in a bid to garner intimacy and as a ploy to buy time.But you don't want to reveal too much.What if you are misunderstood or not understood at all? What if the other person is offended? Since you don't aim to offend, you curb your style, change your life and lifestyle to suit the other. You become a hypocrite.You bend over backwards for those few precious moments of camaraderie.
At the bottom lies the inescapable and inevitable and very human fear of ending up alone. And the very point of friendship is lost somewhere in the quagmire of our own fears.

Random Ramblings

I created a blog for myself and now i feel an inescapable need to write something "worthy" of putting up here. It's the pressure of proving yourself. what you put up here is YOU. And you're scared of putting yourself up here because you might find out you're just not good enough.

why i need a blog

I heard about blogging some time back and was fascinated. The idea that something that you create will be online for a long, long time and available foe someone to read, that you can reach out and communicate to humanity in this new and wonderous way has a lot of appeal to me. Of course, the fact also is that I would like to be heard and read and appreciated. It's a common affliction of people, this need. For many, it may be just attention seeking, for me, it's a creaton of space and I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be a catharsis of sorts.