The Primal Debt- II

As I was saying in the previous post, my mind and my heart has certainly benefited from reading this. I no longer feel obliged to hate people who have wronged me. I mean what can someone take from me that I didn't owe them in the first place? Along with this is also gone any resentment that I used to harbour for the things that others have and which had been denied to me. A deep sense of peace settled in me once I realized that no one can give me more than I deserve and no one can take away what is rightfully mine.

All the suffering that I've had to go through is a result of my own actions- whether in this life or the previous ones. I don't blame anyone. I'm happy that the suffering happened and those whom I had wronged in the past have had a chance to settle their debts with me, so that I'm now free of the karmic debt.

I always wondered why are some people able to make me do certain things for them? Why did I not say no- for doing something nearly impossible? Or that why some complete strangers have gone beyond the call of duty to help me out. But I understand now. Its because we were all connected somehow.

I quote from Aghora: "Suppose I know I have a rnanubandhana with you.If I am wise, I will ensure that the debt is paid off; it will mean one less bondage to the world and will bring me closer to my goal of self- realization. People enjoy being repaid but usually balk when it comes to paying out. the result is karma.

In my case, I am very anxious to finish off my cycle of births and deaths so I allow every person who has any rnanubandhana with me to take from me whatever they are entitled to. Whether they are entitled to make my life miserable, or to make me poor, or whatever, I don't mind. Let them do it; they cannot take from me any more than the value of the debt I owe them. The moment I object in any way, even mentally, then karma has begun."

The Primal Debt

Two books that I'm reading at moment have completely churned my mind out of its inertia. The first is "Aghora At the Left Hand of God" by Robert E. Svoboda and the second is "Shiva to Shankara" by Dr. Devdutt Pattanaik.

The philosophy of the world discussed in the books, especially the latter is so profound and so plausible that my brain is still reeling from it.

In the first book, I'm reading a chapter called "Rnanubandhana" or the obligation/bondage (anubandhana) of debt (rna). The debt talked about at length here is the debt of karma that we carry over from all our previous births as well as that debt that we accumulate by our actions in this life.

I quote from the book "For example, if I steal something from you in this lifetime the opportunity for me to steal from you can arise only if a debt exists between you and me; only if you owe me something....And if I steal from you, instead of receiving from as a gift the thing I want, of your own free will, it is highly likely that you must have stolen from me in the past. Your past action creates a like attitude in me.

My theft from you is not karma: it becomes karma only when I identify myself with the act of stealing. As long as I do not self identify with the act of stealing. it is no karma for me...It is only a past rna working its way out.

The difficulty is that the ego not only self-identifies with the body, it also self-identifies with all the actions performed by the body.The ego tries to protect itself by preventig the repaying of karmic debts which have fallen due. Thus, new karmas are created."

This is such a beautiful and hopeful philosophy. i find that it has freed me from so many expectations from myself as well as from other people. More on this is my next post....

Am "I" real or unreal?

I am currently reading Radhakrishna's book Indian Philosophy. Had discovered it in the Sophia College library while research, and had really liked it. Discovered a copy at my grandmother's place in Delhi. Apparently, it belonged to my great grandfather, Pandit Mauli Chanda Sharma, supposedly an intellectual. My granny gifted to me over a year ago, but it had been lying neglected in my cupboard, until recent frustation with my life forced me to take it out and indulge in some meaningless speculation about the purpose of life and existence.

I found a very interesting excerpt about the reality or unreality of ourselves, our existence, and here it is:

" How are we to acoount for this world? The emperical variety is there bound in space, time and cause. If the self is the one, the universal, the immutable, we find in the world a mass of particulars with opposed character. We can only call it non self, the object of a subject. In no case is it real.

The principal categories of the world of experience, time, space and cause are self contradictory. They are relative terms depending on their constituents. They have no real existence. Yet they are not non existent. ( What is existence? What is non existence? Is it a physical sensation?) The world is there and and we work in it and through it. We do not and cannot know the why of this world. It is this fact of it's inexplicible existence that is signified by the word माया (Maya). (Does this mean the world the world is mutable and unreal and will ultimately be changed/ destroyed while the self will not do any of these things? Where will the self go if there is no world to exist in? To define it's universalness against? )

To ask what is the relation between the absolute self and the empirical flux, to ask why and how it happens, that there are two, is to assume that everything has a why and a how. To say that the infinite becomes the finite is or manifests itself as finite is on this view utter nonsense. The limited cannot express or manifest the unlimited. The moment the unlimited manifests itself in the limited, it itself becomes limited. To say that the absolute degenerates or lapses into the empirical is to contradict its absoluteness. No lapse can come to a perfect being. ( By the way, When exactly had we established through irrefutable logic and proof beyond any doubts that the self was infact perfect, real, univeral and unchanging?) No darkness can dwell in perfect light. We cannot admit that the supreme which is changeless, becomes limited by changing. To change is to desire or to feel a want , and it shows lack of perfection. (going by this, can we actially ever admit to anything at all, since admitting to one thing would mean, that that alone is true and unreal and there are no other possibilities. That everything else is false and unreal. That's too narrow and limited for me!) The absolute can never become and object of knowledge, for what is known is fimite and relative. Our limited mind cannot go beyond the bounds of time, space and cause, nor can we explain these, since every attempt to explain them assumes them. ( Does this mean they are inassumable? And thus infinite?) Through thought, which is itself a part of the relative world, we cannot know the absolute self. (But then, from where has the concept of "absolute self" arisen, but from our own thought/ experience/ sense- perception- which are again objects of the emperical world. How can a subject/ real thing come from an object/ unreal thing? How do we "know" an "absolute self" "exists"? What is knowing? Is it a-priori? A-posteriori?

Christian science defines time as "error" or illusion.

Kant says " if time is a quantification of duration of events, a spatial measurement used to quantify the extent and duration of and between events, then what about altered states of consciousness, as experienced by dyslexics, mad people and those using hallucinogens. As the boundaries for experiencing time are removed, so is its relevance.)

Self Analysis on a sleepness night

Last night I couldn't sleep. Not because I was tense or excited about anything...I was formulating this post. I don't know if I was awake or half asleep or whether I just remember a dream very vividly. But I remenber thinking that it's a very common topic of discussion how people often know and understand as well as accept their negativity, while they remain ignorant and unaware about all that's positive and good about them. To further the point I made a sort of mental list of all the negative and positive things I think about myself in my sleep. I of course don't remember all of them right now, but I will continue adding to the list as time proceeds. Lets see how the list proceeds...