I read my blog today and realised I've only got two posts this entire year. What the hell does this say about me? I've realized that no matter how much I try not to lose out on what I thought my essence was, the loss seems inevitable. I havent read the kind of books I used to read. I tried reading the poetry, but it's not been easy. I've tried keeping in touch with friends, but it's been hard again. And expensive. And it takes effort and determination. And it's not been as often as I had intended to. Am I losing my essence? Everything I held dear and wanted to hold on to?

It makes me think, what exactly is the essence of a person. Surely, when you envision your future, you don't take into account all the trials of life you will face, which will change you and perhaps give you a whole new perception of what essence is. maybe the way circumstances have changed me has revealed newer, hitherto hidden aspects of myself to me. maybe they were always there, but needed the right moments to reveal themselves. So, was the original me the actual essence of me, or is the newer me the real me? or are they both me? I think it's the latter. but i don't want the old me to pass into insignificance. the new must give space to the old. it's as relevant. perhaps more relevant, because it gives a point of reference to the present.