25th July ' 06
Why do people who are closest to you, the ones that you care about the most are the ones that hurt you the most? I find that in my life, this is always true. I have tried to convince myself that I don't really care about what they say and think. But I do, and I just can't seem to help it. Everytime there is an incident, I have to reconsole myself that it doesn't really matter, but then I can't stop thinking about it and it ruins my days.
I'm just sick of trying to explain myself. I'm sick of people misinterpreting what I'm trying to say, and I'm sick of telling people that what they think is really wrong - and what I raelly mean. I'm sick of it, but it still hurts that people whom you real;ly care about just don't want to listen to what you have to say. They only ever care about their own voice and their opinions and what they think of YOU, never once caring for the truth. I mean, who the hell do you think I am? Who the hell are you to comment on me and my character? Have you taken a look at yours? Look carefully and you will know who comes out better by far.
How easy it is for the little bubble of happiness to burst.All you need is a little unhappy thought- that is always nagging away at the back of your mind anyway. All you need is an unkind word from someone whom matters. Or a disapproving glance. I think I'm still too young to harden myself against these things. But I want to know how to tell a person who was oncw very important that I don't care about you anymore because you hust me too much. Thats my problem, I can't break off. They are still important and I still care and they still affect my life and my happiness.
I know that I'm complicating my life. I could just not care about anything- nothingh would affect me then, and I'd be happy in the world I carry within Myself. But it doesn't happen that way. At least not for me. I am my own nemesis.
I'm just sick of trying to explain myself. I'm sick of people misinterpreting what I'm trying to say, and I'm sick of telling people that what they think is really wrong - and what I raelly mean. I'm sick of it, but it still hurts that people whom you real;ly care about just don't want to listen to what you have to say. They only ever care about their own voice and their opinions and what they think of YOU, never once caring for the truth. I mean, who the hell do you think I am? Who the hell are you to comment on me and my character? Have you taken a look at yours? Look carefully and you will know who comes out better by far.
How easy it is for the little bubble of happiness to burst.All you need is a little unhappy thought- that is always nagging away at the back of your mind anyway. All you need is an unkind word from someone whom matters. Or a disapproving glance. I think I'm still too young to harden myself against these things. But I want to know how to tell a person who was oncw very important that I don't care about you anymore because you hust me too much. Thats my problem, I can't break off. They are still important and I still care and they still affect my life and my happiness.
I know that I'm complicating my life. I could just not care about anything- nothingh would affect me then, and I'd be happy in the world I carry within Myself. But it doesn't happen that way. At least not for me. I am my own nemesis.
posted by this is me | Wednesday, August 02, 2006
8 Comments:
I really love this post for my own selfish reasons. When you hear someone state almost exactly what you've been going through it puts it in perspective. Why you are on this path I do not really know but you are at the beginning of the path that I just walked. Nothing I can say will change things for you. Nothing anyone would say to you would shorten your journey. But, let me try to convince you of one thing. To close yourself off; to form a barier to prevent yourself from getting hurt causes you to die emotionally. And besides, there will always be someone that comes from out of the blue who will sneak past your best defence.
dear sadist hedonist,
firstly, i must commend you on your excellent choice in choosing this blog to comment in. you seem to be a personage with distinguished tastes.
secondly, just chill about the spellings man, the purpose of all languages is to communicate. and thats what we all are doing here. thank you for your ideas.
Hey scott, if you ever read this comment again, someone who read both the post and your comment said to me that they liked you comment even better than the post.
Oh! This is what you meant when you said that you had left a comment for me on your blog. Is it sad that it took me days to find it? I'm feeling awful stupid right now. I might as well be honest about it. I've been on the blog like three times since you told me that you had a left a message. Oh well, I can't be charming and debonair 100% of the time. I think only I could feel like a dumbass while being complimented.
Oh come, come man. modesty went out of fashion along with the victorian wigs.
Bah Never! Modesty is the Excitement before the unveiling.
I cannot for the love of God imagine you saying BAH to anyone.
lithium...im finding out works wonders esp wen ur pharmacy guy sees u giggling like a nut even before u've swallowed it...
the next time i sneak back in...i shall save some for u...
I guess if we dint have the bad experiences to learn from...or brood over...it wud make it that much harder to truly appreciate and hold onto ppl tht really matter...while treating them like shit at the same time
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